2015 is coming to an end now, and I absolutely cannot wait. I'm not waiting with excitment, I'm waiting full of sadness. 2015 has been an incredibly awful year.
Back in April, my Nan died. The cancer she had been battling for over a year finally beat her. We knew that her sister Jane had cancer too,and was diagnosed in 2014, but with treatment she was doing well and the doctors were hopeful. Towards the end of Summer, we discovered we were told wrong. Her cancer was terminal.
A few weeks later, their brother, Paul, went into hospital with pneumonia. While there, he had a stroke, and now has dementia. Not the slow, progressive kind; within the space of two weeks, Paul went from being fine, to not recognising his own daughter, and completely forgetting his older sister had died.
Two weeks ago, we found out that their other brother, the oldest of the four, Jim had cancer. He'd been losing weight pretty quickly, and his wife made him go to the doctors. The outcome was cancer, but he had to have a biopsy to find out how bad it was.
On Thursday, 10th December, Jane died suddenly. Although she was terminal, and not doing so well, no-one expected her to die so soon - not even the medical professionals looking after her. On the same day, we found out that Jim's cancer is terminal - not just that, but that is has spread so badly, he doesn't have very much time left at all.
Around a similar time to when we found out Jane was terminal, two family friends died, a colleague committed suicide, and another family friend was rushed into hospital with health issues, died and was resuscitated.
I am so full of grief and sadness right now, and it's all so heavy. Normally, I tend to write about things I learnt from or to talk about the positives of a situation. I cannot see any positives in the situation I'm in right now. Joy is so hard to find. Christmas is around the corner, a time of year that normally has me buzzing with excitment, anticipating the happiness of the day. I'm hoping against hope that the magic of Christmas will bring me out of this sadness even just a little bit, but I know it won't happen. It will be our first Christmas without Nan. It was always going to be difficult and full of sorrow, but now it looks like it will be even worse.
I am really struggling to find anything to be happy about right now. Without distractions, I'm consumed by grief. This has been the worst year of my life, and I can't wait for it to be over.
I'm hoping 2016 will be a year with far less tragedy.
N.B. All names have been changed to spare the feelings of my family.
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