Sunday, 14 February 2016

#BeYourOwnValentine: A Love Letter to Myself

A Love Letter to Myself

Dear Jo,

I haven't always been kind to you. To be perfectly honest, I've been mean and hurtful. I have said awful things about who you are, and about how you look. It's not ok, and I'm really sorry for treating you so badly.

We get on so well today, so much better today than we used to. You've forgiven my harsh treatment of you, and we've grown close. So on this Valentine's Day, I thought I would write to tell you just how awesome you are.

I love your silly sense of humour, and your willingness to make a fool of yourself for a laugh. You find the most unfunny jokes absolutely hilarious, and it's hilarious in itself that once you start laughing, you just can't stop. Your screeching seagull-come-witch's-cackle laugh is unbelievable, and when it goes on and on, with you struggling to breath... well, it's infectious, and everyone will join in and laugh, too. Granted, they're laughing at you and your over the top non-stop laugh, but they're laughing. I love how you don't care about how stupid your laugh is, and how you just enjoy the moment.

I love how you have a childlike sense of wonder. Small and simple things bring a huge smile to your face and make you ridiculously happy; daisies, the smell of cut grass, a clear blue sky, rainbows, babies' smiles and babies' laughter, hand-written letters, surprise photos sent to you. You notice of the things most people wouldn't bat an eyelid at, and find beauty in the ordinary.

You're also such an optimistic, hopeful, cheerful person. As long as you yourself aren't haveing to hard a time, for the glass is half full, and you're always looking for the silver linings. When it comes to the people you love, you spend a lot of time hoping for good things for them; that they get that job, that they start feeling better soon, that the tough times start to ease up for them and life will get a little easier. You wish on stars and on dandelions, just in case. Your hope for others goes hand-in-hand with your worry for them. A lot of the time, you just want to give these people a hug.

I love how excited you can get; you can be like a child on Christmas Day (even on Christmas Day!), practically bouncing around with anticipation to see that musical, go to that gig, eat at a restaurant, go to a party, or read a letter froma  friend. Sometimes people think what you're excited about doesn't warrant such excitement, but you don't let that dampen it, nor do you hide it. Everyone knows when you're excited, it's palpable. You're similarly enthusiastic about the things you're passionate about. You can wax lyrical about your latest favourite book or a person you admire, and likewise articulate well your strong opinions on things you find an injustice.

You've never really been the person the world expected of you, especially in school, but also in general. In how you look, in how you behave, in the things you enjoy doing. You've never tried to be someone else, though. Not fitting in is hard, as is being on the receiving end of cruel comments, but staying true to yourself amidst that - who you are, who you want to be, what you like - can be harder. Especially when you're told that the person you are is wrong or isn't good enough. You've been almost tenacious in how you've tried to show the world you're staying as you are - "This is me, and I'm not changing for anyone!" - and it's wonderful how you've stayed strong and held your head up high, how you've always been proud to be you, and how you've continued to be yourself, despite it all.

You tend not to think you're a very strong person emotionally, but you're constantly showing otherwise. Your life hasn't been completely awful, but you've had your fair share of knocks, and managed to get through them - something you would have been certain would have been near impossible if asked about before you experienced them. Losing your Nan, and coping with her declining health over the year and a half that led up to it. Seeing your Grandma go into a home. Being lied to and betrayed by someone you thought was a friend. Getting through the mental scarring left behind after your sexual assault. You're so much stronger than you think, and you can cope with what life throws at you.

You're awesome, in so many different ways. You're amazing, and I love you.

Lots of love,

Jo
xx


#BeYourOwnValentine is an idea I came up with for bloggers to write themselves love letters in an effort to promote self-love. Take a few moments this Valentine's Day to think about just how amazing you are. Put aside the self-doubt and self-esteem issues, and think about how awesome you are, as you would a friend. And check out the hashtag on Twitter for more love letters from other bloggers.

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