Thursday, 20 October 2016

What I've Learnt Using Bumble

What I've Learnt Using Bumble

I've been using mobile dating app Bumble for just over two weeks now, and have made a few discvories about myself, guys and dating that I thought I'd share with you.

On Profiles

A lot of guys simply don't put anything. This is really frustrating for me, because I'd rather know a bit more about a guy before deciding to swipe left or right. These guys are more than their faces (and their torsos, for those who use topless photos), but that's all they're giving me to judge on. It just feels so shallow. And being good looking doesn't necessarily mean they're going to be a great guy, or that we'll have anything to talk about! I use profiles to see what we have in common, or what they're passionate about to take an interest in. They help with conversation, both before and during a date. When there's nothing, you just end up asking the same boring questions in an effort to get to know them. Small talk, basically. I love being able to ask something more specific than, "So what are you into?"

It also seems that some guys don't bother reading profiles either. I say quite clearly in my profile that I have no interest in casual sex, and yet I've still matched with guys who make it pretty clear that's all they're after. That's absolutely fine, but by not reading my profile, they're simply wasting their time and mine. I'm sure there are other girls on there who are looking for hook ups, but my profile would tell them that I'm not if they'd just read it - and, you know, give them an idea about who I am. Let's not talk about your favourite sex acts or my knickers, huh? Let's talk about something that shows we both have personalities and not just hormones.

I'm Surprisingly Fussy

If you had asked, I would have told you that I don't have a "type". But I'm finding this isn't really the case. With very little in the way of profiles, I'm having to resort to judging whether I want to swipe right or not on how a guy looks, and I'm not swiping right often. "Too much facial hair." "Too many tattoos." "He smokes." Left, left, left. And let me tell you, there are a lot of guys on Bumble sporting beards. So. Many. And it's a deal breaker for me, I don't find beards in any way attractive. Clean shaven does it for me. Saying that, I've started asking myself, "How much facial hair is too much?" Because seriously, if I swipe left for all the fuzzy guys, I'm limiting myself to a tiny minority. I've decided the "designer stubble" look is something I could probably deal with, but full on beards are a big no-no.

Although I'm not swiping right just for the drop dead gorgeous guys, I can't swipe right for someone I don't find attractive at all. I just can't. I don't think it's fair on me or on them. I've got to fancy them on some level; I've got to feel excited at the prospect of a date.

A Guy's Height Is Important?

Apparently. Some guys will simply put their height in their profile. Those who write a proper profile tend to include their height, along with comments like "if it matters," or "as height seems to be important". I don't really get it. Why do women seem to care? Why does it matter? Honestly, I have no idea why this is. Sometimes they mention being taller than you when you're wearing heels, but do women seriously give a crap about that? I really don't understand.

Self-Respect is Everything

I am not going to be everyone's cup of tea, and that's absolutely fine. There are guys who don't like certain aspects of who I am, what I have or haven't experienced, or the fact that I'm not going to have sex with them. It sucks, but that's ok. I will not pretend to be someone I'm not, and I will not lie about or be ashamed of who I am, my life or my experiences. I won't be fake, nor give half-truths or embellish things about myself to seem cooler, more exciting, or more impressive. Either who I am is good enough, or it's not. As much as I'd like using Bumble to result in a relationship, my self-respect is far more important to me than the opinions of these guys I bearly know.

Dates Aren't That Scary

Who'd'a thunk it?! The first date I went on was actually arranged on the day after a couple of days of him not knowing if he'd be able to make it or not, so there wasn't really any time to mentally prepare. I was bricking it. Seriously, so nervous I felt physically sick and was starting to think it was a bad idea. But once I got there? It was fine! I was still nervous, and there were a few awkward silences, but in all, I had a great time! And once I'd had the first date, Bumbling became easier and I felt a lot more confident; I knew I could do it, it wouldn't necessarily be terrible, and I could have a good night with a complete stranger. Considering I'd previously sworn against any form of online dating, I'm much more comfortable with the whole thing now. It's relatively easy.

It's been an eventful couple of weeks! I'm looking forward to continuing with Bumble, and seeing where it takes me.

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